Tbilisi Collective

Quick background, none of us who discussed this topic is married or comes from conservative families who view women inferior to men. So, let’s start with the responses. My first Georgian friend shared that her driving motive to have high income and be financially independent is to create a comfortable life for her parents who are soon to be pensioners. My second Georgian friend told me that because she and her family used to frequently struggle financially, she as the only child, took a conscious responsibility to be the source of income and take care of herself and her parents’ well-being. My third Georgian friend expressed her desire to earn more because she wants to create a luxurious life for her mother and sister. And finally, my Ukrainian friend aims to earn alot to take care of her family in case something bad happens (this conversation happened before Russia’s full-scale invasion of Ukraine). So, the pattern is always „I need to take care of my family, because something bad will happen or has already happened.“

In my case, since childhood, I had this strong need to be financially independent because if I married a wrong man, I would not be held back by finances to divorce him and live my life comfortably without this thought „where am I supposed to go now and what am I supposed to do?“ As I grew older, another motivation has accompanied my already failed, non-existent marriage – an idea of me needing to be financially independent so I am not a burden to my family who deserves to have a comfortable life. Let’s say, I am the least selfless one in a group because instead of taking responsibility over my family, I am detaching myself from being a burden which in my head is already a financial assistance to my parents.

I cannot speak for my girlfriends, but personally, it saddens me that our strive for being independent and financially strong comes from fear. Do not get me wrong, we also share desires and goals of having a nice house, travelling the world, and having unlimited capabilities of being proud children of consumerism. However, this all comes after worries – worries of being homeless because pension and housing system in Georgia is a joke, worries of not being able to pay off the bank loan because again pension system and state support in Georgia is a joke, worries of our parents not having an income if we fail to bring any, and worries of our country being invaded again. And usually, these are worries that I share mostly with friends who come from less privileged countries.

A month ago, I expressed to my Georgian friend that I am angry because our parents are still young but we already have to take care of their financial well-being. I compared our situation to the situation of my Western friends, who are strong independent women but get vacations to beautiful countries with their families without worrying that they are the ones who have to pay for everything. And then my friend told me something that stuck with me and made me feel embarrassed for not taking real circumstances into consideration. She told me that unfortunately, when my Western friends’ parents were probably spending their youth building careers, our parents were surviving the collapse of the Soviet Union, economic crisis, civil war, Russian invasion, Rose revolution, and heroine boom. Even though I acknowledge that every family and every person, no matter in which part of the world, has individual experiences and comes from different backgrounds, my friend’s comment made a lot of sense to me and eased my frustration. It made me view our situations not as a burden, but rather as empowering experience.

Now, that I am writing this blog, I start to appreciate even more the power of female will and my girlfriends, Easterners or Westerners, who inspire me to be a better and stronger version of myself.